Y Thursday, March 13, 2008Y
8:02 PM
i feel im going to explode with all the thoughts in me. i cannot just digest it. oh stop being paranoid. it will nv happen to me. just think tt way. yes i must. anyway i reall regretted hearing that piece of news. its just so erm i dunno. i just feel a bit weird. omg. and yea oh my ass man. pt says its weird how ppl can express themselves differently. like chuxi goes oh my goose. and yea. and YAY i collected my $150 today. WOO! haha its a cheque so forget about robbing me. And nope i wun buy food for you. heh heh. i hate maths. i cannot do like half e paper. shit omg im so gonna fail block test can...i cried just now. Becuase mc made me all emo-ish and stuff. And i reflected and saw how much i changed since i left NYPS. Leaving 5h/6h. such a wonderful class. it was a point whereby i actually ENJOYED going to school yea. but now everything's changed. I am no longer the me in 6h. ive just changed. some ppl say i am a workaholic but im not cuz im jsut a bum hwo lazes around now. And some eg. debra tay says im DAMN NIANG now. really? i dun feel it. is that the me? or is it just a mask i wear everyday to cover up the sad reality in life. as mask that covers my tears, my agony, my unhappiness i have towards life. its just so freaking bad to hear ice changed so much. have i just lost the me when i was carefree and felt life's wonderful. is this the me that is going to be stuck with me for life. is that te mask im going to put up everyday. or has the mask just became part of reality, a part of me. a part of me that changed. all i want is just to lead a normal life. to find the old me. the true me. i dunno whether it still exist. i dunno if tehre is such a thing. but if there is, wait for me. wait for the time whereby i will see light. wait for the day of yingsiu's enlightenment. maybe you should help to find the old me. or is the new me jsut better? i really dunno. why cant you just come and save me. im in darn hell now. at least my live is in a turmoil. i cant sort out my thoughts. im just going to explode one day when i finally cant keep everything to myself. or maybe i will just sink into depression. or maybe i will jsut change again. change for the better or for the worst, i have absolutely no idea. i just want to be comfortable with who i am. and hope others can be comfortable with the present me. i just want to lead a normal life. is that really so difficult?-siu
