Y Tuesday, March 11, 2008Y
11:50 PM
I don't know why i am so emotional nowadays. I just cant seem to control myself. I keep telling myself to put away those useless emotions away. they are of a hindrance to my work. i cant work cant do anything with my emotions being the way they are. they are playing tantrums on me . i know ive changed a lot. as confirmed by debra and adrian. yep yep good friends from 6h. went out today and was raining. dunno why it has been rainy all year long. anw apprently im the only one who cried today when i watched the leap years. well debra found it absolutely boring. adrian felt li lin was pretty or he like her. and i was crying cuz it was so heart wrenching to me. i dunno why but i felt so painful too. see how my emotions like to play tricks on me. its jsut a movie is what debra keep telling me. i know it myself too but why cant i just accept that? as in i noe its just a moive, real life is not so drama [but i always think it is] but i just cannot digest that thought. i cry for somehting that is not true? why can i feel for the movie when everyoneelse does not. why am i so emotioanl and vulnerable? can someone ans me or console me. and i just want to confide in someone but but i just cannot find my confidante except but to cry to myself when im all alone. And i always cry when i hear sad songs. esp love songs. but why have i truned to such a crybaby. i used to laugh at pingting who cries at almost every single thing. but im going to be degenerating to that level. i din cry in the secret movie cuz i dun like jay chou. and basically i was much stronger then. but wat is the damn reason for my weakeness? maybe i need a shrink. im just bring emotional. i just just love and hate these stupid emotions of mine. i love emotions to tell me that im still a human. i still live with human characteristics. but they are going to be the cause of my downfall. whne i fail every single subject in my life. i have never felt this weak before. can anyone save me. i hope someone can. but not at the moment. not even him who tries hard to but is bad at. i really really am darn vulnerable. i feel emo from time to time. i feel like shit all the time. i feel high occasionally. i feel im at the verge or insanity. this point whereby one feels one is going to be insane is called yingsiu's pt cuz i prob discovered it and i feel it all teh time. i need to be stronger. pls...-siu-
