& you make me wanna LALA*

Y Saturday, March 15, 2008Y

3:35 PM

whoopie. can blog again after finish doing bio stuff and a bit of chem. but the hor, a lot of stuff cannot get into my head. so yea decided to take a rest. and and i feel qi4!!!! but not to the extend that i will explode. but i was damn qi4 yesterday that i scolded f word in a conver [ ofcuz with the permission of te person]. aiya after i know more details abt it i was super grossed out lar. like i dunno. and MC says porn is EVIL!!!! LOL. ok i have no comments. ya and i started saying how big mouth people can be. wah lao lke stop spreading stuff that hurt people. i have no intention of knowing this in te first place. like i rather not know of it. cuz i was about to explode when i knew it. but since i know already, then just try to get the big picture correct with no bias-ness involved. at first i was sort of a neutral standard. as in i dun really feel anything is wrong. BUT im wrong. from the details that i know, i cannot stand it. im rather open i will say, so if i dun like it, as in not to the extend that there are moral issues, just not very willing to accept la, means must be smth quite big lar. anyway its not abt porn. cuz i said earlier that mc said porn is evil. but it has nth much to do with it lar. haha. im just a bit er grossed out la. as in wat kind of relationship are they in? im just curious. and 明明就有什么的，为何要假装不是呢？明明就是他，为何要说谎呢？ok i dun think anyone gets what i am saying. but yea. HAHA me and MC are living in the world of 2007. hahahaha. ok nvm. can i ask a qn? why is he so oblivious to my emotions. a bit dumb isn't he.

-siu

Y Friday, March 14, 2008Y

6:05 PM

woo today got DALT ten i can go leh. wahaha cuz my fever tui4 le. then yea. we did a bit, really a tiny bit of long2 today. then shi tous revised their shi1s and i should tai2 my leg higher!!! always forget. then got one time i tan4 jiao3 lift up wrong leg. omg i think i look retarded but then the second time i rmb leh!!! then later jiao lian ask us to pai2 in out shi tou shi wei. then fongmei today nv come lar. then pinky also nv come. so camelia became my shi wei[temporary]. then i think we got mo4 qi4. haha. aww fongmei cannot chi1 cu4 oh...haha. then jiao lian made us do the tiao4 thing. wah then ask me jump higher and higher. wah i too short liao. cannot jump lar. then later must jump forward. haha like standing broad jump liddat. then a bit weir lar. but then me and camelia can guo4 guan1 just tt jiao lian want me to jump higher lor. then my pair [me and cam] jumped further then hong and guo. ooh haha. im shorter but i jump further. im heavier too! yea haha. but i think jiao lian made me jump a lot of times ): then my jiao a bit numb numb ache ache de feeling. guai guai de. its totally weird feeling lar. then it hink cam yao2 me tt time, i nv jump cuz i tiao4 bu4 qi3. then she say nvm rest rest. haha so nice. cuz she also shou3 suan1 la. tai2 me very tiring de leh. cuz im uber heavy ): then later we jump one by one. then dunno whther is it jiao lian say me, he said wa 她跳好像有轻功这样 o.O dunno if its referring to me or not. then i turn ard and look at cam then we laugh. lol. but i still think jiao lian made me jump a lot of times. cuz tt time we jump up first one by one, then he say ok first time leh. or is it 2nd. cannot rmb. wah then i chao shocked cuz i tot i jump like some retard like that. then later he say can leh. then wah i very happy. then i turn ard and hi-10 with cam. then he after that say ke2 yi3 zai4 gao1 yi4 dian3. wah then i went huh...then he made me jump one more time. then after that he ask me to jump and do e cycling thing. then i cannot do lor. its just feels weird. and i feel im going to fall. then cam hold my waist there until quite painful>.<>

-yingsiu

Y Thursday, March 13, 2008Y

10:25 PM

WOW! my body has decided to kua3 on this very day. i thought im fine after the fever subsided with panadol! BUT my forehead is slightly burning and my feet are like shaking in cold. its like white and plain cold. as in literalyl cold. there is no blood which accounts for the fact that it is white. haiz. i really think i should work like mad to stop being emotional hey c'mon thats not my style man. where has teh american ah boy thing go? i sort of dun find it in me man. where are my dudes?! where?! all i see is myself crying at romance movies which i once though was so darn stupid and melodrama seah. im sitting in front of my comp, typing this post and hoping my fever doesn go up tomorow or not later my mama dun let me do fot DALT. but then yup yup im sure my daddywill let me go. cuz he goes to trng though he is sick. and i just confirmed with him. heh heh. ok why am i laughing. im sad lehs. yup see i have changed. i used to laugh at ppl who use stuff like larhs, lorx, lehs. like the extra 's' and 'x' behind. but see what im doing now? im using them too! its like why have i changed till the totall opposite of the previous me?! im sad. im broken hearted. im tired[mentally]. im having suicidal thoughts. thought of just going away where there will be no troubles at all. i know that is going to be so irresponsible but wth man. i hate life >.<

8:02 PM

i feel im going to explode with all the thoughts in me. i cannot just digest it. oh stop being paranoid. it will nv happen to me. just think tt way. yes i must. anyway i reall regretted hearing that piece of news. its just so erm i dunno. i just feel a bit weird. omg. and yea oh my ass man. pt says its weird how ppl can express themselves differently. like chuxi goes oh my goose. and yea. and YAY i collected my $150 today. WOO! haha its a cheque so forget about robbing me. And nope i wun buy food for you. heh heh. i hate maths. i cannot do like half e paper. shit omg im so gonna fail block test can...i cried just now. Becuase mc made me all emo-ish and stuff. And i reflected and saw how much i changed since i left NYPS. Leaving 5h/6h. such a wonderful class. it was a point whereby i actually ENJOYED going to school yea. but now everything's changed. I am no longer the me in 6h. ive just changed. some ppl say i am a workaholic but im not cuz im jsut a bum hwo lazes around now. And some eg. debra tay says im DAMN NIANG now. really? i dun feel it. is that the me? or is it just a mask i wear everyday to cover up the sad reality in life. as mask that covers my tears, my agony, my unhappiness i have towards life. its just so freaking bad to hear ice changed so much. have i just lost the me when i was carefree and felt life's wonderful. is this the me that is going to be stuck with me for life. is that te mask im going to put up everyday. or has the mask just became part of reality, a part of me. a part of me that changed. all i want is just to lead a normal life. to find the old me. the true me. i dunno whether it still exist. i dunno if tehre is such a thing. but if there is, wait for me. wait for the time whereby i will see light. wait for the day of yingsiu's enlightenment. maybe you should help to find the old me. or is the new me jsut better? i really dunno. why cant you just come and save me. im in darn hell now. at least my live is in a turmoil. i cant sort out my thoughts. im just going to explode one day when i finally cant keep everything to myself. or maybe i will just sink into depression. or maybe i will jsut change again. change for the better or for the worst, i have absolutely no idea. i just want to be comfortable with who i am. and hope others can be comfortable with the present me. i just want to lead a normal life. is that really so difficult?

-siu

12:20 AM

i feel empty now. empty in the middle of the night. as ususal, i can't seem to find the words to describe my present emotions. i feel a bit of this this this and that. i have no idea what i am doing now. lazing around? doing nothing? i feel like im such a bum man. waking up not doing much stuff. going on to msn to chat. sleep. then the cycle repeats itself. is that what my day is gonna be like in my future. well i hope not cuz there are so many things out there waiting for me. And ppl around me, trying to comfor me, trying to help me to their max. but nothing is going to change unless i am going to be more discipline and stuff. i really dunno how to change my life. anyone out there wants to help me organize my super messed up life? hope u will be there for me to lend a helping hand.

Y Tuesday, March 11, 2008Y

11:50 PM

I don't know why i am so emotional nowadays. I just cant seem to control myself. I keep telling myself to put away those useless emotions away. they are of a hindrance to my work. i cant work cant do anything with my emotions being the way they are. they are playing tantrums on me . i know ive changed a lot. as confirmed by debra and adrian. yep yep good friends from 6h. went out today and was raining. dunno why it has been rainy all year long. anw apprently im the only one who cried today when i watched the leap years. well debra found it absolutely boring. adrian felt li lin was pretty or he like her. and i was crying cuz it was so heart wrenching to me. i dunno why but i felt so painful too. see how my emotions like to play tricks on me. its jsut a movie is what debra keep telling me. i know it myself too but why cant i just accept that? as in i noe its just a moive, real life is not so drama [but i always think it is] but i just cannot digest that thought. i cry for somehting that is not true? why can i feel for the movie when everyoneelse does not. why am i so emotioanl and vulnerable? can someone ans me or console me. and i just want to confide in someone but but i just cannot find my confidante except but to cry to myself when im all alone. And i always cry when i hear sad songs. esp love songs. but why have i truned to such a crybaby. i used to laugh at pingting who cries at almost every single thing. but im going to be degenerating to that level. i din cry in the secret movie cuz i dun like jay chou. and basically i was much stronger then. but wat is the damn reason for my weakeness? maybe i need a shrink. im just bring emotional. i just just love and hate these stupid emotions of mine. i love emotions to tell me that im still a human. i still live with human characteristics. but they are going to be the cause of my downfall. whne i fail every single subject in my life. i have never felt this weak before. can anyone save me. i hope someone can. but not at the moment. not even him who tries hard to but is bad at. i really really am darn vulnerable. i feel emo from time to time. i feel like shit all the time. i feel high occasionally. i feel im at the verge or insanity. this point whereby one feels one is going to be insane is called yingsiu's pt cuz i prob discovered it and i feel it all teh time. i need to be stronger. pls...
-siu-

Y Monday, March 10, 2008Y

8:39 PM

ok im so darn pissed now but i shall not elaborate on the matter. but im so so so so sorry that i totally vent my pissness/anger in me on someone. of cuz its mr dear daddy. im like er so grossed out and all i did was to just take it out on daddy. its not his fault that im pissed just that he was talking to me so i was like &&*^%^$(^%(^*_& la. im really sorry if i sayed something that i should not. ok i also shooed the birthday boy [as he described himself to me] away lar. paiseh. i also 心情不好 so i totally shooed him away and spewed awful stuff at him. so yar paiseh lar. aiya . nvm. time to relax man ying siu! i know i can do this. if i think i can i can. okok back to normal stuff. went to school today, to do chemistry SIA. I thought i was gonna be late but then yea i wasn't! hmm after that i went home so i went to the bus stop. yea i met zz there. For a moment i forgot his name. if u read this pls dun kill me. ok he was hmm around with his friends so yea. then he said whe i left i SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED. hello im a human. i walk ok. i dun suddenly disappear. like pfft! im gone man. abracedabra. a whisp of smoke appears and im home. ok its not meant to b e sacarstic or anything. but probably no one has ever said that i left suddenly. well its just that you are too engrossed with yr ahem friends. ok doubt u will ever find yr way here la. yea i went home and wanted to mug but then i ended up falling asleep so. i wasted my afternoon. yepyep tts sbt it man. im trying to save this blog druing the hols man . okok going out tomorrow with lets see, debz, hwj and jr? i think so la. im so gonna be broke cuz i need to buy lots of presents. DEBRA or cuz. then its jeraldine's since its liek coming soon. then erm chun en's one cuz hers is not exactly near lar. but then got no time to buy in btw. yup dun need to buy for daddy since he doesn want and he is too broke to buy me anything. but its fine seriously. then erm still have steffi, clarice,and zz on the list. omg omg omg im going broke ok. hmm im buying zz cuz cuz yea u shld noe. shant say here in case some ba1 gua4 ppl come read. so so yea! hope u make my day man whoever it may be.

-ying siu-